Self care rituals which open the window for transformation!
Recently, I read the book, ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert. As well as being a beautiful guide on how to live creativity in the modern world, one specific comment stayed with me. Gilbert suggests that many self-help authors, do not initially intend for their manuscripts to become published works; instead, they begin as personal tools to navigate challenges. Gilbert’s renowned book ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ originated as a private journal of self-discovery following a life shattering divorce. She was as shocked as anyone when her personal healing journey was turned into a motion picture starring Julia Roberts.
I am not an author of such books but the idea of helping others through my own life experiences did resonate. I started working for myself as Personal Stylist 14 years ago but my subconscious training started decades before I opened my doors to Clients. At first, the lessons were my own. Challenges with my appearance, low self-esteem and two identity thief moments (one after kids and then a second after a divorce) have given me the compassion and skills to help people with how they present themselves to the world. Turning pain into purpose may sound extreme, but early lessons have shaped my work today. Beyond my personal experience, professional training, and a lot of time working in fitting rooms, I've learned much and love sharing my knowledge to help others.
So how does self care fit into this?
Today’s blog is not about Colour Analysis or how to best dress your shape. It’s about self-care and how we can look at our self-care tasks and routines and turn them into sacred rituals. These rituals will form the foundation of your self-care checklist, and before long, you'll wonder how you ever managed without these daily practices.
You may have heard the phrase, "Healing is an inside job" and I wanted to discuss how this could relate to self-care for you. For me, how I look on the outside seems to have an effect with how I feel on the inside. My internal feelings are connected to my external appearance and vice versa. When my mood is low then without my self care rituals, I could easily spiral, abandon myself for the day and roam around looking questionable. So to think about the chicken and the egg analogy, which came first: feeling good or looking good? I think they are both connected. Its different for everyone but for me it’s the self-care rituals which seem to keep the show on the road.
I share what I know to have worked for me. As like the rest of you, nothing stays the same, so I am continuing to learn how to look after my body and my mind. We all know the phrase, ‘You can’t help others from a cup half empty’ but honestly it so true. I'm a single mum who could find herself neglecting self-care due to a lot of life happening, so I want to share some helpful tips that have truly assisted me in getting back on track and prioritising my well-being.
So what do I mean by self-care?
Self-care means doing things which maintain and improve your body, mind, emotions and then supporting overall balance and well-being. It looks different for us all and ranges from from basic hygiene and healthy habits to taking part in activities which bring joy and relaxation. I know that paying attention to my self-care practice improves my mood, reduces anxiety and depression, and makes me a nicer human being. I will share some ideas firstly for physical and then emotional and mental wellbeing.
Physical self-care
To me this looks like getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, exercising, and maintaining good hygiene. It seems obvious when written down, but real life happens and we push self-care down the priority list. In my work, I help people with their appearance and so conversations about physical self-care are easy. Most of us know what we should be doing, it’s just the getting it done which falls short. My recommendation is to make a list of the basic things you need to do to look after yourself. James Clear in his book ‘Atomic Habits’ talks about consistent habits and how they can change your life. This is true for physical self-care. So, get your list out and work them into your schedule. Let the mundane become sacred again. Self care isn’t a notion, its a practice of devotion to ourselves and those around us. These are a few basic rituals which form the core of my physical self-care routine. I will share them with you as them may prompt your thought process.
Eyes open - Choose what you do first when you open your eyes in the morning. I am an early riser, and I seem to wake at 6.30am without an alarm. I rise when the rest of the house sleeps and before I look at my phone or my emails, I open the back door and walk with bare feet into the garden. I breath in the fresh air and listen to the sounds of nature. This grounding practice has changed my life and sets me up for the rest of the day.
Make routine a ritual - I then have a shower, get dressed and make the bed. I make my bed without fail. It is quite definitely a ritual for me. I leave my room and shut the door and head down for a coffee.
Movement is medicine- Its impossible to talk about physical self care without talking about movement and I know there is so much to say here. For some reason the last few years have seen my beloved exercise at the bottom of the pile. The longer I left it the harder it was to go back. This then had a knock-on effect on my diet, the way my clothes fitted and then how I felt about myself. Those dominos fall fast, and they leave no man sanding. I needed a plan to get my trainers back on. So, in my month plan, I have worked into every day some form of exercise. It ranges from small runs with my children, yoga classes and walking.
Nourishment - The more I look after myself the better I feel, the more I want to exercise and then the better the food I want to put into my body. Fuelling my body with good ingredients is high on my self care agenda as I am naughty and would cut corners here. The truth is that I can feel it when I do.
Dream team - I have learnt to do my own nails but hair dressing is best left to a professional. When you leave the salon and they say do you want to book your next appointment now? I say yes, it goes in the diary and it happens.
Sleep - I love sleeping (and am a monster if I don’t sleep well) and to protect the Holy grail, I follow a specific sleep hygiene routine most days of the week. The process is simple. At 9pm, all devices get turned off and I go upstairs and have a bath. I see it as washing away any bad energy from the day. The water seems to calm my nervous system and I start to wind down. Then I dress for bed, open some windows to let in some fresh air and read until 10.15pm. And so to bed.
There are so many other things you could do to tend to your physical self-care and look at it as a gift to yourself. I hope showing you some things which help me will inspire you to think about yours.
Mental and Emotional self care
A topic which deserves more words than I have here. I highly recommend, Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart, a comprehensive book that delves into 87 different emotions and provides valuable tools for making new choices, embracing second chances, and fostering deeper, more meaningful connections. I encourage anyone interested in achieving a greater understanding of their emotional landscape to give it a thorough read.
What I have learnt from experience earthside is that I have to look after my emotions (its like herding sheep!) and protect my peace. I have needed to become my own safe space so that I can look after myself, my family, friends and the people who trust me to work with them.
So how? Truly understanding that true happiness comes from within. My younger self thought that I would be happy when I was in a certain relationship or when I had the shiny car, the perfect shoes, the perfect job. I know now that these things are just the trimmings and can be fleeting. The second most important thing has been understanding the power of the mind. Knowing that I could work with my mind to create the inner joy and peace was a turning point.
To find my way back to myself whenever I am off course, these practical steps help me with my emotional self-care
Practice gratitude as way of being - I am not talking about rose tinted glasses but the daily practice of being thank full for being alive every day.
Spending as much time in nature as time allows - Being in nature soothes my nervous system and is a reset or me when overwhelm creeps in.
Meditation and mindfulness - I trained as a yoga teacher a few years ago and this was a light bulb moment for me. The body keeps track of our life experiences and stores a lot of unprocessed emotions. Movement taught me how to release emotions stuck in the body and mediation taught me to quiet my mind.
Creating healthy boundaries - A born people pleaser, I am slowly learning to say no sometimes. My energy is precious. I need to choose where it goes.
Feed your soul and find your joy - I think if sometime told me this with two children under two, my quick answer would have a been ‘A one way ticket to Scotland on a very slow train’. My boys are older now and I have a little more time, so answer the question honestly. So what brings me joy? I love making things look beautiful, I love watching the boys play sport, I love yoga, running and skiing. I am fascinated by astrology and will happily take a deep dive into most things exploring spirituality. I also love reading and learning. I am animal lover but specifically horses, rabbits and cats.
What other people think of me is none of my business - My next-door neighbour quoted these words, very softly and kindly when I was going through a divorce. It took a while to resonate but that nugget of wisdom along with knowing that I am not pizza and not everyone is going to like me. That’s inner peace.
Social Connection - This last point is probably the most important for me because it’s the one I will openly admit, I find the hardest. When I am feeling a little blue, the last thing I want to do it is to spend time with friends and family, engaging (talking was bad but engaging too) in meaningful conversations. I know that to recharge, I need to go inwards and its in the stillness that I find my strength. My emotions, however, are not so smart and so to bust the blues human connection is the winner every time. I fight it but I know it to be true. As, I often hear, miracles happen in light so its definitely best to get out of the dark.
I don’t want self-care to be a chore I want it to be a beautiful ritual for you. One that you see as being important because if you look after yourself the ripple effect into all other areas of your life is powerful.
So how does this blog sit alongside the work I do as The Everyday Stylist?
Well, I am the outer shell specialist, but I am also human. I must also look after myself. Daily, otherwise before I notice it, I have taken the wrong turn and it’s a long way back. Sort of like exercise when you are out of routine. The first time back is brutal but it is the beginning. The same goes for self-care, physical and emotional.
I love the idea of self care being a ritual. There is a quiet power in the way small, daily actions build into something greater—how the repetition of what once felt ordinary can kindle new meaning and purpose. Through the gentle art of paying attention, we begin to notice shifts in ourselves: a growing resilience, a softening where we once held tightly, a clarity that arrives not in thunderclaps, but in the hush of early mornings. It is here, in these humble rituals, that the opportunity for real change opens wide.
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